Look Inside My Heart

UPDATE

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 02:43:24 GMT

Alriiight, time for an update! since i haven't written in f o r e v e r! i basically gave up on my lj..but i need something to vent to..

Well I got back from St. John on sunday night. I went w/ Megan and her family (thanks again xs 10000!) It was beautiful!! I wish i could go back, it was so nice to get away from everything here. but then again, it was nice to come home. Everyone at church acted like they haven't seen me in months..there was a meeting for The House last night and everyone freaked out when i pulled up. It was kinda funny, I think it was ryan who said "i guess you go to show, even a white girl like you can almost look black" hahah, b/c i got really tan. (i thought it was funny)

The rest of this week should be interesting..tomorrow i'm supposed to go have a coffee date w/ Amee, then thursday ben is taking me to dinner after worship practice (that is if i go..) hmm. Lets see, what else is going on..oh, i applied for a job at panera bread today..i should be getting a call back for an interview soon.

I was going through my pictures today from the summer..the LA trip was soo awesome. i would go back in a heart beat. God did some amazing things through us on that trip, i'll never forget it. then i went through my pictures from when melissa was here..i miss her so much!! I had so much fun w/ her ;o) but now apparently my summer is over..now w/ my job starting and then working w/ the House as much as i can might make my schedual a little tighter. but then again, i might be going on a few more little trips here and there in august..hopefully. alright well i guess this was me venting for the day..i just spent two hours on the phone letting my friend vent..so i guess this was my turn.

-i'm gonna try to keep up w/ this now- :o) enjoyy

<3 christy *

=)

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 19:54:51 GMT

its been a long time since i've updated! wow...alot has been goin on. well the day after christmas i got to go up to ohio to see the coolest people i know! Good times. then i've been doing alot of school and the past few months have been really boring. but the good news is, i gotta new car! silver 2004 dodge neon sxt <3 its hot..and megan yes i will race you if your up for it. sike, i'd kill myself (or almost run into a curb like megan ahahah!) i'll post some pics of my car later.

i'm doing tennis this year! yes, shocker i know. i think it will be really fun though. i'm excited. i've been thinking about college alot lately. i can't believe i'm gonna be in my senior year next year! and then college!? goodness. i'm so excited though, to start over, make new friends, get out of virginia! i really feel like God is leading me to go to MVNU...and yes its JUST a coincidence that its in ohio. <3 who knows whats gonna happen with that. but God has been so faithful through it all, i can only wait to see what he has planned.

<3 Christy xoxo

Merry Christmas!!

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 18:36:03 GMT

Merry Christmas!

Its so wierd not having my sister here for Christmas this year..She's in Texas with her husband. I got to talk to her a couple times today, so thats okay. I'm leaving for Ohio tomorrow! I've got almost all my packing done. I have the best gifts for them too! I made Melissa this scrapbook with all of our pictures, and from when they were here, and from when I went up there. Its hot! ;) I can't wait to give it to her. I miss her so much...I can't believe we've stayed such good friends =) she's awesome.

I was hoping that I was going to get my new car for Christmas! but my dad fixed the tracker, so now I'm still stuck with that! =( Oh well! I'm kinda sad that I'm not gonna be here for the lock in for church next wednesday, that was gonna be fun! but I'm reallly glad I get to see everyone in Ohio again =) I can't wait, Melissa (c) said that she got me something really funny for Christmas! ( i'm scared..cause she's dirty! lol!!) she said that when I open it I'm gonna get red in the face! grreeaat! I have enough embarassing moments with them as it is! oh man...good times.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas!

<3 Christy xoxo

snow day!

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 17:36:47 GMT

I love snow days =)

I e-mailed Todd to say happy birthday, and he wrote me back the sweetest e-mail..he always knows exactly what to say! =)

anyway..i was going through some old pictures today and found a couple of me and hank (lol..my first "boyfriend") those pictures are hilarious! their on my webshots if you wanna check it out.

merry early christmas ;) (i can't believe christmas is saturday!!!)

<3 christy xoxo

awesome/terrible night

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 22:52:59 GMT

Last night started perfectly! I went to pick up *brittany* for church as usual..we took a quick stop to starbucks on the way (thanks again britt ;) i got the next time!) so we get to church and we ended up having an incredible worship service..and thats all we did! it was incredible! I've never heard God speak to me as much as he did last night. I'm soo thankful for the people he has put in my life! idk where i'd be with out some of them...

so on the way home..me and britt are on the prince william parkway at a red light, sitting there listening to music takling, and i took a glance in my right mirror and i see someone come running up next to my car! then next thing i knew they slammed up against the passenger side window and brittany screamed SOOOO LOUD!!!! i looked and it was andrew! lol!! i haven't laughed that hard in my whole life! good times.

SO, then we get to minnieville...right before the intersection at dale bullivard, and we're at a red light. (typical) so the light turns green, i press the gas, and my car doesn't move. i paniced! i put my foot back on the break and then tried it again, and it still didnt' move! at this point i'm almost in tears, and i'm screaming at brittany b/c i can't figure out whats wrong. so i grab my cell phone and slap on my hazard lights. i call my mom and now i'm in tears because people are honking and screaming...lol brittany is such a sweetie! hahah, she rolls down the window and yells at people to go around! lol (thanks britt) so i'm on the phone with my dad now and he basically tells me to just turn the car off and turn it back on. so i do that a couple times and then the car moves...(to make a long story semi-short lol)

that was one of the most scariest moments ever..there was absolutely nothing i could do! i was in the middle lane..and if i just let the car roll, i would have gone out into the intersection!!! THANK GOD nothing else happend.

on a lighter note! i just got back from court from getting my license! =) whoo hoo! =)

<3 christy xoxo =)

loong week

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 19:57:52 GMT

This past week has been so busy and so crazy! I feel like all i've done is drive back and forth from places a million times. I've had so much on my mind its unbelievable!

Yesterday was breakfast with santa at church. i had to be there at 8:00! talk about sleepin in on saturday..sike. so that was how i spent my morning. through the middle of the second shift of kids, me and deanna snuck out to get some starbucks =) then we came back just in time for pictures with santa! lol. then right after that was time for choir practice..that ended around 2 and then i went out with sarah to chick-fil-a =) Mmm Mmm Mmm. then we went back to her house and hung out for a while.

Today was our Christmas program. (my voice is completely shot now, lol) We sang so many songs though..but it was all good =) after church me and my parents and brittany went out to olive garden..too bad my dad was in a bad mood though..ugh! lol oh well. now i'm just procrastinating on cleanin my room and finishing my homework. i have to get it all done before i have to be back at church for worship practice at 5.

<3 christy xoxo

that made my day!!

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 19:40:13 GMT

Yesterday I got a call from Melissa =) she said that her and Spencer are coming down for spring break..for sure! they talked it over with spencer's mom, and its final! i can't wait..we're gonna have so much fun. thats only like 3 months away too!

I can't wait to see them!

<3 Christy xoxo

busssy days

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 19:46:34 GMT

the past two days have been so busy! Getting everything finalized for my research paper has been a pain. yesterday me and megan went to the library to work on finishing it (sikke, we were laughing the whole time-haha i can't go anywhere w/ you megan and not laugh hysterically!) =)
Then i realized that i left everything else for my paper in my locker, so i had brittany get it for me. I went later last night to go pick it up at her house and i ended up staying for like 45 minutes..talking and eating icecream =) I hope the rest of the week isn't as hectic..i'm just glad my paper is DONE!!!

<3 christy xoxo

good day

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 01:47:17 GMT

today was a pretty good day! after church i went out to lunch with two awesome girls! and then i had to be back at church at 3:30 for choir practice then youth group. The service was pretty good. I think God really spoke to me tonight about being Bolder..After Jason was telling me aout LA and the dream center, it really got me thinking. if they can walk down the streets of LA with 8 foot crosses..think of what we can do..or should be doing. Its all about steping out of your comfort zone, which is very hard, but once you do, God really starts doing some amazing things.

<3 christy xoxo

fun night!

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 05:23:27 GMT

tonight me britt, andrew and zack went to the basketball game in fair oaks. it was kinda boring but we made it fun...lol zack making random phone calls on my cell phone! haha..good times. on the way home we were all "opening up" haha..some a little too much! (cough andrew!!) lol! me and britt are having a sleep over/pity party (lol)

<3 Christy xoxo

tear

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 19:46:19 GMT

I never thought i'd see the day when my brother moved out (for good)..i guess i've seen the day now, cause hes movin his stuff out right now. *tear* this is gonna be wierd being the only child. I thougt i'd never get used to not having my sister here anymore..but i've gotten used to that..idk if i'll ever be used to not having my brother here. but i've only got year and half to go, til im outta here (wow! thats pretty soon!) so i guess i won't really have to get used to it.

<3 christy xoxo

awesome!

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 20:03:37 GMT

here is a poem that was sent to me by a friend..that i thought was simply amazing! =)

One Day…Someday…

There’s no words…there’s nothing I could say

There’s no life after you, you’ve sucked me in

I'm stuck in this trap of you’re “love”

How could I fool myself into thinking you were the one for me

How could I be so blind…why couldn’t I see

I can do better then this

I could find someone who puts love behind his kiss

Someone who knows my feelings aren’t a game

He’ll treat it with care…because his hearts the same

He will cradle my heart with care

Tell me how he feels, open up and share

All his hopes, all his dreams

Tell me he needs me and that my eyes shine like moon beams

That my smile can brighten his day

And just to hear my voice will make everything okay

Love is what he wants…my love is what he needs

I don’t have to tell my feelings…he just looks in my eyes and reads

My thoughts, my heart, my mind

Tells me he wishes he could take time and rewind

Back to when we first met…love at first sight

How he’d stay up all night

Tossing and turning wondering…am I thinking of him too

Is what he’s feeling the same as the way I do?

One day I’ll find you…the one my life belongs to.

One day I’ll meet the one…who takes me by surprise

Maybe he’s with me right now…hidden by a disguise

Maybe he’s so far away…miles apart

He may not know it but he’s got the key to my heart

The key I need right now… they key I need to help me

Are you out there?

Are you somewhere?

Near or far?

No matter who you are…

Are you thinking of me too?

Are to praying for me like I pray for you?

Do ever wonder about me and when we’ll meet?

Are you planning on how one day you’ll sweep me off my feet?

Are you hoping we’ll find each other now or someday far away?

I know I want to meet you soon…someday like today.

Cuz I need you now more then ever

I need you now…come find me so we can be together. Forever.

It’s going to be real, what we’ll have its going to be right

I think of you…you think of me too…every second of the night

You’ll dream of me like I dream of you

No doubts, no worries what we’ll have will be true…

Just thinking about this…I’m already so in love with you

Please come and find me soon…please don’t wait any longer

I can’t be this hurt any more I can’t be any stronger

I’m being broken down…I’m giving everything I have

To the one who isn’t you.

I need to save the best of me for my one and only

I don’t want to give it someone…just because I feel lonely

I’ll sit here and wait as long as its takes

Every second while I sleep every second I'm awake

Just dreaming about who you are

Just wondering exactly how far

Where you are right now this very moment

Who you’re with and how much she means to you

Are you in love…or are you saving it all for me?

Do you ever wonder who belongs to that key?

The one you’ve always had but didn’t know who it was for

Do you have any clue it’s to my hearts door?

I can’t wait to find you…I can’t wait to see you

I can’t wait to love you like I loved no one else

I pray that when I find you…it’ll be everything I imagined and more

It’ll be amazing

It’ll be love

It’ll be perfect

I can’t wait to meet you

Please come soon!

loong week!

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 19:51:19 GMT

Is this week ever gonna end?! i'm so glad that tomorrow is finally friday =) I've had a really busy week..i've had tons of homework that takes me all day to finish!

I noticed today in history..i really don't pay attention in that class. maybe it was just today because i was tired and it was the last period of the day, but i was in my own little world! it was kinda funny actually. I was just thinking about this past month, well actually last month at this time ;) its not like me to do that either, i'm usually good in that class and i never fall asleep! oh well! =) hope that everyone is having a good week!

<3 Christy xoxo

my weekend =)

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 20:44:19 GMT

It was soo good to see my sister and hang out with her and andrew all weekend/half of the week. me and my sister had some good "bonding times." We went shopping all day friday and got starbucks everyday she was here =) I've really missed my her. I'm still getting used to the fact that she's married. It still seems like she's just in Ohio for college. my big sister is growin up on me! actually..I'm more like the big sister to her now, I'm alot taller than here (not sure how that happend) and we're actually exchanging clothes now! lol..it was good to see her! And me and Andrew are closer than ever now too, which is awesome. He's such a good big brother =) We had long talk last night, just me and him, talking about everything, from school, to life, to boys..or should i say boy? ;)

hope everyone had a good break! =)

<3 Christy xoxo

Happy Thanksgiving

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 21:45:39 GMT

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I've realized this year that I really am thankful for my friends! Even just those few really close ones..and for the ones that live far away..(miss you guys) I really wish I could see them more often =(

Today has been one of those days..I've just layed around listenin to music and thinkin about alot of stuff. Me and my sister and andrew are gonna go out later so that'll be fun. Then tomorrow me and my sister are going shopping =)

<3 christy xoxo

crazy night

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 20:56:26 GMT

So last night I went to go pick up Brittany for church (ya thats right, by myself =) whoohoo! anyway, after chruch we were going to meet Andrew at Milwakees and we told him we'd meet him over there. So britt and I are sitting in the parking lot waiting, listening to music and what not and I notice this guy in my rear view mirror that has been walking behind my car for a few minutes, so make sure our doors are locked. Then I go to look for him again and I don't see him..I turned around and he was at my window!! and he was just standing there staring at me and brittany for a good minute. so I motioned to sorta ask him what he wanted and he said that he needed money for his family to buy food..at this point I was shaking because I was so scared..So I told him that I didn't have anything to give him and me and britt drove back to church and got Andrew and his mom...wow...my first night driving by myself and this happens. Thank God we were okay =)

<3 Christy xoxo

license!

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 19:45:16 GMT

I got my license today! =) Yes! Ohio here I come! I told Melissa that the day I got my license I'd drive back up there...road trip anyone?!
Yes! I've been waiting for so long now..now I don't have to wait for my parents all the time =) Freedom! lol

<3 Christy xoxo

..<3

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 16:49:18 GMT

I can't believe it was this time last week that i was in ohio! it seems like yesterday =)i miss them so much!!! *can't wait to see everyone again!* i get my license in a week, i think i'll just drive up then =)<like my parents would let me do that..riight! Last night i went to church to babysit for 18.30s..after the service was over Allison and I went to the movies because we had nothing better to do. We were going to see Alphee, but the showing was at 10:40 and it was 10:00..so we went to see Taxi. It was really funny..i had alot of fun with Allison too. We had a long talk about the youth group, and what our dreams for it are. Its wierd not having my brother here. (that could be a good thing though, lol) He's on a cruise for a week to the bahamas with some friends from church. He has been talking about this for months now..and bragging to me how tan he is going be when he comes back! lol..it'll be nice to be the only child for a week =) <3 Christy xoxo

best weekend of my life <3

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 20:56:59 GMT

I got back from Ohio Sunday night..I had the best week of my life!

It started out, once my sister and my mom drove me to Bellefountain (which is half way between Columbus and Lima) and we were at the Mcdonalds, and i was so nervous. I was praying that when i saw them that i wouldn't freak out and burst into tears..lol. so Melissa's truck pulled up and all i saw was her and her mom..so i jumped out of the car and ran up to Melissa and gave her the biggest hug! I missed her so much..shes such an awesome girl! So we standing there talking and getting my stuff together, and she opens the back door of the truck and theres spencer, laying down staring up at me <3 that boy takes my breath away* so i had to grab his arms and pull him out of the truck to give him a hug. *it felt like time stood still when i was in his arms*

On the way back to Lima, Melissa and I were sitting in the back of truck, and spencer was turned around, and he took my hand <3 we were just talking, catchin up on stuff..then we got to spencer's house to drop him off because it was about 11:00 that night. I got to meet his mom and his little sister cayti, who is the sweetest little girl! Later that night Melissa and i stayed up till about 3 that morning watchin tv, and talking about everything..i missed her so much.

The next day we woke up and it we got started cleaning the garage/living room for the party that night. Spencer came over and helped us out for a while too. then they took me out to lunch to Kupey's which is the best burger place i've ever been to. Then melissa's mom dropped us off at the mall for a few hours, and we got outfits for the party. It was so funny..we were walking into Rue 21 and there was a huge sign infront of the door..you can't miss it..and somehow spencer ran right into it and knocked it over, melissa and i were laughing so hard! lol..hes so cute.

Anyway, so after the mall, we went back to melissa's house and while melissa went to go get ready for the party, Spencer and I were in the garage, where we finally had some alone time..it was good to catch up with him too..he amazes me <3 I never thought i would find someone like him, this amazing Christian guy who loves me for me..it was then when he kissed me and looked me in my eyes and said "i love you." I was speechless! the way he looked at me when he said it took my breath away..

The party was so much fun! once everyone came over we started watching The Ring (yes, thats right, i watched it!) After about half way through the movie the guys, me and melissa, went out in the back yard and played football for a while..good times!

Sunday morning melissa took me to The Axis which is their youth building. it was so amazing. they had their own building for their youth group. i can't wait until the day when our youth group gets so big that we have to move to a bigger building. The service that morning was awesome..

*the absolute best feeling in the world, is being able to be in church with someone who you care so much for..and worship God* It felt so incredible perfect..i never thought i would have these sort of feelings..but God is faithful..so faithful! and like the Bible says, the Lord knows the desires of your heart <3 and that was my desire..to worship like that with him. He amazes me..*

After church we had to leave, unfortunately. So me, spencer, melissa and her friend all piled into the truck. I didn't want to leave that soon, that whole weekend was perfect, i couldn't have planned anything better. Saying good-bye is one of the hardest things for me..once i got into the car with my sister, i couldn't stop crying..once we finally got into Virginia Spencer called my cell phone and we talked for about 2 hours. That was the best conversation we've ever had! Its so easy for me to talk to him..i love it!

<3 Christy xoxo

=)

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 19:22:18 GMT

this weekend I had a sleep over with my kt and we "caught up" on things. I luv u girl! we've had so much fun together..(how do you say seshwan kt?)lol *its an inside joke..* ;)

I can't belive I'm actually gonna be in ohio on friday..i've been emailing back and forth for the past week with my sister. shes so awesome..shes the one thats really makin all this possible for me. <3

I know that this is pretty much all i talk about these days..i cant help it though..but you'll have to put up with it when i come back too ;) but i promise..i'll stop after that..lol! I don't think i even have to say it..but i really can't wait until friday! <33

<3 Christy xoxo

fun stuff!

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 20:02:52 GMT

Last night we went to belvedere plantation with the youth group. it was so much fun, we had a bonfire, went on hayride, attempted to joust (lol)
made s'mores..it was alot of fun. I love going to belvedere..its so much fun, i think i'm gonna take spencer and melissa there when they come down for spring break. =) I go up to ohio in 13 dayys! (yes i kno, i am counting down..i can't help it) lol.

I started choir again, for the christmas program. the practices last so long, but its fun, and i love being in the programs. 2 years ago for the easter program, they played a song about the crusifiction through a little girls eyes, and i was the little girl. I loved doing that, me and my dad acted out the song..it was one of the most rememorable moments of my life..everything was so spiritual, and so real.

I get my license in a month today! =) i can't wait, i can finally drive myself places without having my parents make me late. freeedom! lol

<3 Christy xoxo

Ohioo

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 20:44:03 GMT

okay..so i AM going to ohio this time..for real! lol i've decided that i would rather go up there then go to homecoming. =) I've talked to Melissa about it alot lately, i'm so excited. since its over haloween weekend, on the saturday that i'm there, (and since they live in the "country") we're gonna go a haunted corn field maze! Melissa said that people jump out and scare you with chain-saws!!! Thats crazy! I'm a little scared, they'll protect me =) lol i'm so excited and i can't wait..3 weeks exactly today!

<3 Christy xoxo

"love is blind"

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 00:51:08 GMT

I got slapped in the face with reality this weekend. I herd somethings that I didn't want to hear, and accepted the facts (they were right infront of my face this whole time) I was just too blind to see them.

I found this passage in the Bible this morning in sunday school that stuck with me all day..Matthew 6:25-34<<look it up! It helped me out alot, it might help you too.

<3 Christy xoxo

confused

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 18:57:05 GMT

I'm so confused..today was one of those days, not great, not horrible, but i survived. I've had so much on my mind lately, it's been hard to concentrate on anything. sometimes i wish i could run away and go live with my sister..and start a new life..but that wouldn't really solve anything. I love my friends..but right now, i feel so helpless.

<3 Christy

loong week

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 01:42:03 GMT

This past week was so long, I never thought it was going to end. good thing it did =) I just realized that I'll be getting my license in..about a month and a half! Finally..jeeze! I can't wait..I've had so much on my mind lately, it'll be so nice to just go somewhere to get my mind off of things, I've wanted to do that alot. Me and my dad were lookin at cars online the other day ;) I'm excited..even tho my car is pretty awesome =)

<3 Christy xoxo